The visual stimulated him to such a degree that he masturbated to the memory of that image throughout his life, including when he was with his wife. After many years, when he met his cousin again, post two children she had put on weight and become 'unattractive' in his words. The sight of the new unflattering figure of his cousin ruined his memory thereby incapacitating him to get an erection. His treatment required a lot of counselling and therapy and he had to be retaught the art of stimulation.
Behind closed doors; on dimly lit computer screens in seedy cyber cafes; in hostel dorm rooms under heavy bedding; and in computer folder's aptly named 'system files', usually lie pages and pages and countless gigabytes of pornography. It's not the highest grossing industry in the world for nothing. It has takers across generations, nationalities and kink quotients.
While most wives and girlfriends either accept it, relish it or chose to ignore it, porn in some form can be found lurking around most homes.
Studies reveal a condition called Sexual Attention D e f i c i t Disorder or S A D D, where over exposure or over indulgence to visual stimuli such as pornography, makes it difficult for a man to have a healthy sexual relationship with his partner. His stimulus is triggered by visual or graphic images instead of an actual woman, making it impossible to sustain intercourse. Dr Rajan Bhonsle, the HOD of sexual medicine at KEM hospital elaborates on the condition and describes the impact that pornography and the like, have on mature adult relationships.
Kink express
SADD can be traced back to three basic sources, the first being a burn-out.
Throughout a man's teenage years, over-exposure to porn and its explicit forms such as pedophilia, multiple orgies, voyeurism, etc. develop acute insensitivity towards the act of making love. The initial reaction to perverse material, which is what most pornography constitutes, is of shock. But over time, it turns to acceptance and enjoyment. This develops into a need for more deviant variety to keep the stimulus sustained.
Gratification through usually masturbation based on visual stimuli, make it difficult for a man to be aroused or stimulated by his partner in bed. This plays havoc in most marriages or relationships since even a very responsive woman is unable to replicate the mood or manoeuvres of what the man is usually attuned to.
While it is not difficult to recover from any addiction, a sexual burn-out is particularly tricky. It takes a lot of time and energy to stay away from sex and channel your sexual energy elsewhere. This is also the primary reason why boys should be dissuaded from over-exposing themselves to pornographic material at a young age.
Multiplicity
Another common cause for SADD between couples is due to the multiple partners the man has before he commits to a monogamous relationship. The multiple variety of partners give them a beenthere-done-that attitude towards sex which makes it very difficult for a woman with a normal sex drive to stimulate her partner. The man's premarital activity supersedes all sexual expectations he may have from his current partner thereby making it very difficult to sustain or enjoy a healthy physical relationship.
It's a fix
Peculiar fetishes and fixations, like the one mentioned earlier, are another reason why men are unable to perform in bed. Many a times, the visual image of what sort of woman or what specifications of a figure stimulate a man may not exactly match that of their partner.
This leads to disappointment and an inability to find them sexually attractive. While therapy is a common cure, counselling and exercises with your partner through communication greatly aid in rebuilding the idea of sexual attraction for
How to cut back
- Give yourself a break. Save the sexual excitement for your partner and decrease the frequency of masturbation. When you do self-service, try using your nondominant hand. Since you wont apply the same level of physical intensity, you wont be as easily numbed to the sensations of intercourse.
- Back off the porn. When you masturbate, use your own memory of sex and your own erotic history to stimulate yourself instead of relying on other visual images.
- Connect with your partner. Share fantasies, experiment with role play and involve her in your thought process. Get yourself and her to a point of physical and mental arousal by sharing your thoughts with her. Step away from the computer.
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